It'll have been 5 years since I became a locum pharmacist, one of the few sane decisions I've made in my 30 years on this earth. Work fewer hours and make just as much? Yes please.
On the subject of making a living, I caught up with an old friend who had quit Boots some time ago. We chatted and the topic of Boots' salary model came up.
Druggist: Remember when we thought £35k was a lot of money?
Haz: It was a lot, if you used to live in a cupboard.
Druggist: Cupboard? We dreamed of living in a cupboard!
Haz: As much as I love your Monty Python references, I think we're veering off topic.
Druggist: So, it turns out Boots, your beloved ex-employer, has a very special salary model.
Haz: The starting pay is 80% of the median market rate.
Druggist: I was never great at maths and I can tell that's bad.
Haz: This is why we're locums and not sons of bitches working for Boots.
Druggist: Well, we're still sons of bitches, but at least we're happier and healthier.
Haz: A bit worrying for a pharmacist to say he wasn't great at maths. You've worked for them before, haven't you?
Druggist: Did some locums for them, thankfully it hasn't been a regular thing for me.
Haz: I'm guessing you also had performance reviews at your old workplace?
Druggist: How could I forget? They were the highlight of my year. Thing is, I always suspected there was an ulterior motive to these. Something rhyming with "fired."
Haz: If you said that while working for Boots, you would be fired.
Druggist: I read somewhere that Boots has a target to meet for how many pharmacists need to be under performing. The figure 15% floated around. How many pharmacists does Boots employ?
Haz: Something like 7000.
Druggist: *whips out a calculator* My mental arithmetic tells me that's around 1000 pharmacists placed in the under performing band at any one time.
Haz: The PDA have been investigating this, apparently it's called forced distribution.
Druggist: This may explain why I got marked as under performing in every review I had. We probably had a similar model.
Haz: Bringing in the PDA when you had that disciplinary probably placed you in their bad books.
Druggist: Well, I wasn't going to let them get away so easily. The meeting lasted until 8pm that night, the idiots sitting opposite us were falling asleep.
Haz: Still, things worked out well for you after you quit. You rent out flats as well now?
Druggist: I had a lot in savings, didn't spend much of what I earned in those 4 years.
Haz: I feel like I could have got more, if the manager forum was less biased.
Druggist: What is a manager forum?
Haz: A bunch of managers meet without the employee in question to discuss if he is or isn't performing. This in turn determines if you get a pay rise.
Druggist: I'm guessing these decisions were made behind closed doors?
Haz: Yes and I became one of the 15%.
Druggist: There's a price to pay for staying at Boots, or any of the major pharmacy chains.
Haz: Are you referring to the crying and hair loss?
Druggist: Clever boy.
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